A Bitter Wife Who Can Find?

A Bitter Wife Who Can Find?

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I have a love/hate relationship with Proverbs 31. You know that passage, the one that describes the perfect wife. At times I find it encouraging and other times it seems like a pie-in-the-sky pipe dream, utterly unattainable to us mere mortals. 😉

Verses 10-12 say:

A wife of noble character who can find?

    She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.


Here are 3 comparisons of a bitter wife (formerly me) and the Proverbs 31 woman.


1. A bitter wife thinks it’s all about her.

A bitter wife thinks her husband exists to serve her, to meet her needs, and make her feel loved.

She believes her husband should watch the children and do an equal share of the household chores. He should take her on vacations, offer romantic gestures, and feed her self-esteem. As modern women, we can easily forget that God created Eve to be a helper to her husband Adam (Genesis 2:18).

The Proverbs 31 wife is efficiently running a household, making investments, starting a business and keeping fit. She is absolutely not a shrinking violet or brainless blonde. (Ha!) But she is doing all of these things with the larger goal of bringing him good, not harm. She is his partner, adviser, and confidante.


2. A bitter wife is untrustworthy.

She can be lazy, idle and self-absorbed. She doesn’t care about the household budget, she wants what she wants. She is involved with her hobbies and her friends. She works outside the home not to support the household but to have her “own” money.

In contrast, the Proverbs 31 wife has a husband who is “respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land” (vs 23). He can excel in his profession because he’s sure of her support. He’s not worried about what she’s doing, saying or buying while he’s away. She has his full confidence and has earned his trust and respect. He says so in verse 29:

“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”


3. A bitter wife is angry.

She is never happy, no matter what her husband does. She complains that he never calls her during the day but when he does, she accuses him of checking up on her. If he takes her on vacation, she is dissatisfied with the plans he’s made. If he empties the dishwasher, he doesn’t put things away correctly. She is often irritable or annoyed. He never knows what to expect when he walks in the door and feels an underlying current of tension.

The direct opposite is the Proverbs 31 wife. She is a content, happy woman. Verses 25-25 describe her mindset:

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

The picture here is of a woman who invests in others, is full of wisdom and laughs often! She’s not obsessed with her looks or afraid of getting old. This woman is an attentive, loving mom and grandma. She is fun to be around and teaches her family the Word of God. Luke 6:45 says that out of the overflow of our hearts our mouths speak, and this woman’s heart is focused on loving God and loving others. It’s evident because of the overflow!  And her husband and children praise her in verse 28.

Your own family knows the real you and they are not fooled by the face you show to the world. If they cannot praise you, you may resemble the bitter wife more than the Proverbs 31 woman.

I want to be that woman who laughs and mentors others and supports her husband well. How about you?

Linda Graf About Linda Graf

Linda Graf is the author of  Bitter Truth: My Story of Bitterness, Grace and Repentance. She wrote it after the Lord freed her from a lifestyle of anger and bitterness. She is a musician, a mentor and mother. Being an author was never on her radar, but during her journey from bitterness to joy in Christ, she was compelled to write about it. Check out her website where she blogs regularly.


  1. Kristin Bunting Kristin Bunting says:

    Smack-dab on the truth, Linda. Whether hearing it for the first time, or just needing to be gently reminded, women will be served by this post! Blessings.

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