Something To Land On

Something To Land On

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Warning: Single ladies post. But don’t worry – if you’re not a single lady I promise that you will get something out of this too!

Some of you readers may know that I’ve moved to a new city – well, “a whole new world” really, to borrow Aladdin’s words. I’m now living in the lovely Washington, D.C. and finding myself walking everywhere, having a yard to maintain (yea!), and using public transportation for pretty much everything. It’s been a big change, but it’s also given me a chance to slow down, ironically.

That slowing has created introspection into my life, as slowing down typically does, and I’ve started to think about him. You know, the “Mr. Right” or maybe “Mr. Right Enough”, depending on whom you’re having a conversation with. I’ve found myself asking…

Where are you?

 

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Come on, I know you single ladies out there are hearing me and nodding your heads in agreement. Maybe throwing up a fist and shouting it with me? Then, with no reply, I find my mind drifting to these questions…

Is that you? Hurry up! Did I miss you? Do I need to change something? Do you need to change something? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? Maybe I’m ugly? Maybe I need to lose a few pounds? Maybe I’m supposed to be single…always? Maybe…

Don’t worry, I won’t ask for a show of hands, but I’d bet you’ve thought some (if not all) of these things. They are natural questions born out of the great unknown. The future. It’s expected that they’ll cross our minds and hearts at one point or another, but where we land after asking them is what’s important.

The thing I’m getting back to, what I’d say is the heart of the matter, is who’s eyes am I trying to be worthy in?

WilB

Flickr by WilB

We as women want to–are almost compelled to–compare. We compare ourselves to our friends, to our enemies, to magazine images, to Hollywood actresses, even to our former selves. There is so much comparison going on we forget to stop and assess if what we’re comparing ourselves to is worthy of that comparison.

How does this fit into wanting a man in our lives? Well, it does and it doesn’t. I think this comparison gets into our hearts and minds and convinces us that, because we aren’t like so-and-so or we don’t look like >insert your favorite actress here< that’s the reason we don’t have >insert cute guy sitting across from you at the coffee shop<. It sounds silly…but we know it’s true.

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From Pinterest

Of course that’s not the only thing that we dwell on when pining for that plaid shirt wearing, axe carrying, hunk of a man who can fix anything and is good with kids. But it does hold is up. Significantly.

I want to bring us back to some truth here:

God is good. (Romans 8:31)
God loves us. (John 3:16, 1 John 4:10)
God created us in His image. (Gen 1:26)
God establishes our paths. (Prov. 16:9)
A woman who fears God is to be praised. (Prov. 31:30)
Loving God is a priority. (Mt. 22:37, Mark 12:30, Luke 10:27)

That’s great, you may say, but what does it have to do with my search for a man? It doesn’t.

But it has everything to do with who you are before God.

Ladies, hear my heart in this. Don’t let the world (or even some people at your church) tell you that you have to have a man to be complete. To be able to serve. To be worthy in the Lords eyes. Believe me, I’ve heard it all – from questions like, “When are you going to find that special guy?” to “Why has no one taken you off the market yet?” I know how those questions sting, despite the well-meaning of the people who ask them, but they put doubt in our hearts that should not be there. Doubt that we need to fix something in order for “him” to find us. But that is not our purpose.

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Our sole purpose is to seek and glorify Him – not some random guy who we may or may not know at this point in time.

We’ve been given the gift of singleness (as Elizabeth Elliot put it) and that means we are to put it to good use until we are given the gift of marriage, should that be part of God’s plan. I think a lot of single women (myself included) spend a lot of time trying to “fix us” to be more marriageable or more attractive to “that guy”, when instead we should be focusing on our heart. Is it in line with our Savior’s? Is it attractive to Him? Do we desire the things He desires?

So – Where is he? – in all reality, that doesn’t matter. The bigger issue is where are you? Are you cultivating a heart that loves the Lord? Are you spending time with Him daily? Are you loving and serving those around you? Are you active in your church body?

Having a desire to be married is not bad, but it’s not something to land on. Root yourself in the truths listed above and cultivate a deep, satisfying relationship with Jesus. If/when that guy walks into your life, you’ll have an amazing foundation to build upon.


 

Ladies, I want to hear from you!

Single ladies –How do you cope with being single but wanting to be married? Where have you found encouragement? Do you find you compare yourself to things that aren’t ‘worthy’?

Married ladies – How do you encourage single ladies who are around you? What are some of the qualities your husband recognized in you before he proposed?

A little extra:
Check out this sermon from Matt Chandler about why he married his wife Lauren. Note the characteristics he recognized in his wife before he proposed!

Emilie Hendryx About Emilie Hendryx

Emilie is a freelance writer, photographer, and graphic designer living in Northern California. She’s a member of ACFW and writes Young Adult fiction. In her spare time, you can find her designing fun bookish items for her Etsy and Society6 shops all while drinking too much coffee.
Visit Thinking Thoughts blog: click here
Visit her shops: click here

Comments

  1. Emilie, can we be sure and meet for coffee/lunch/something at ACFW this year? I want to have the joy of getting to know you better!

    This post is brilliant, said so much better than I could ever put into words, because it is everything that is on my heart–almost on a minute by minute basis. I have nothing to add, save Amen and Amen! We do put so much stock into finding “Mr. Right”–I know I want, almost more than I want anything else.

    But finding that “one man” isn’t going to solve all my problems, make my world complete or flip every negative on it’s side. That’s God’s job. And I think so often we put finding a man on the same pedestal as God. Thank you for the reminder to keep chasing hard after God–everything else will just fall right into place. 🙂

  2. Awe thanks so much Casey! YES to lunch/coffee/anything at ACFW 😀 I’ll FB you – I’d love to discuss this and so much more. It would be awesome to get to know you better!

  3. When I was in “marriage class” at church, they talked about being complete in God before getting married, and the pastor really stressed that when you’re not complete with God, you shouldn’t get married.

    I would tell the single ladies this… but sometimes it’s hard to hear advice from married people. Everyone’s circumstances are so different. But I guess if I had to encourage the single gals out there, I’d say that if you’re complete with the Lord then you’ll attract the right guy for you.

  4. As the friend who’s always in a state of loneliness or confusion while I watch my best friends getting engaged, it’s been really hard to be content with the lack of a God-fearing man in my life to love.
    The best way I’ve found to deal with the questions you mention is to lose my desire to be loved in loving others. Since I’m still in college, I’ve been able to find other students to care for and get to know. I’ll get groups of people (including guys I have my eye on) together and see if hanging out with them in a group leads to anything. I’ll spend time with my engaged and married friends, but also make it a priority to hang out with others who are so far perpetually single.

    The hardest thing about advice is that this love business isn’t a set puzzle. So when a happily-coupled friend tells me “just keep living your life and seeking God, there’s someone out there and you’ll meet him someday”, even though I have to trust that it’s true, it stings to hear and makes me wonder what I’ve done differently than my friends, that I’ve had my heart broken so many times and they’re engaged to their first boyfriend. No matter how well-meaning the advice, it always sounds trite. Only when they take the time to be there as a friend, and show me the love they can, to show me that I’m still a worthy human being even though I haven’t managed to date anyone, does that lessen the sting. Best is when they give me a chance to hang out with their boyfriend and his friends, so that I get to meet guys who aren’t necessarily taken…

    • Skye,
      I agree. From this (now the flip side) of things, giving advice to someone single makes me cringe because I was there once and I understand how they feel sometimes. You hit the nail on the head when you said they just need to be a friend and show you all the love they can. Blessings for you, dear one!

  5. Hey Skye – sorry I’m late in the game in responding to his, but I TOTALLY get where you’re coming from. I’ve had that piece of advice given to me more times than I can count. I’ve also responded as you have. I’ve wondered “what’s wrong with me” that no one seems to “see me”. But I love what you say about pouring into others. I once wrote a blog post called Pour Yourself Out (you can see it here http://eahendryx.blogspot.com/2011/03/pour-yourself-out.html) dealing with that very thing. We’ll never look back and regret loving people. It may mean we go through some lonely times, but He is always here. He is always sufficient. He is always enough. That last one hits hard on my heart, but also drives me to seek him more.

    You are not alone, my dear! Feel free to connect with me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/eahendryx) or my blog which is listed above. I’d love to chat more with you about life!!!

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