God’s Newest Blessing After Suicide

God’s Newest Blessing After Suicide

God continues to bless me, even eleven years after my son Joshua died by suicide.

The loss is still great, but not horrific as the first four years. I still mourn for Joshua, but I don’t cry daily as I once did. I find too, that my grieving has expanded to include the grandchildren he will never give to me.

However, I’m thankful for the grandchildren that I do have. Two of my grandsons are in their early to mid teens and they favor Uncle Joshua in amazing ways.

A new blessing.

The one grandson, Isaac, inherited his uncle’s physical features. How wonderful is that? Isaac and I had a lot of fun when he came to visit in June. He clowned around during a card game and had me laughing. Isaac enjoyed my laughter so much that he did other funny things to get me laughing so hard that tears came to my eyes.

My son, Joshua, used to do the same exact thing, so Isaac warmed my heart by being himself, sensitive and affectionate.

Joshua used to be affectionate before sickness invaded his body and the medications changed his personality. In a way, I was losing Joshua long before he died.

My other grandson, Jason, has mannerisms and facial expressions just like his uncle Joshua. Both grandsons have voices like my son had.

Needless to say, every time I see my grandsons they comfort my soul.

Now I don’t enjoy the boys just because they remind me of my son. Oh, no. That is something I’m careful about. I love them for who they are—unique individuals, created by God. So, I love watching them grow into fine young men.

So here is another one of hundreds of blessings that God has placed in my life to help me through. Blessings that soothe my loss of Joshua.

i can't lean

What I’m learning, is that I must place my trust in God as I want to and should do. I can’t lean on people more than Him. If I do, I’m missing out on the blessings and gifts that God is waiting to give to me.


Father, please continue to help me see the blessings and to trust You more. In Jesus’ holy name. Amen.


Jean Ann Williams About Jean Ann Williams

Jean Ann Williams lives in Southern Oregon with her husband Jim. Although one of their children has passed on to the Great Beyond, their two remaining children have blessed them with thirteen grandchildren, their Baker’s Dozen. Jean Ann keeps up two blogs: the first is about the writing life Jean Ann Williams: Author, and Love Truth where she writes of how God continues to encourage and bless her after her son’s suicide in 2004.


  1. Thank you, Cherie, for having me as one of your writers. I really like the art work that you put within my article. God bless you!

  2. Oh Jean, I am so happy you’re sharing your thoughts. I get choked up whenever I read one of your posts. What a beautiful legacy.

  3. A powerful post, Jean. Although I have never lost a relative to suicide, or someone as close as a son, I did lose a dear friend many years ago. In fact, I recently connected with her daughter a couple of months ago on Facebook. Thank you for sharing.

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